Listen All Y’all, It’s a Sabotage (The Bachelor Week 6 Recap)

the-bachelor-season-17

I said at the end of last week’s recap that I probably wouldn’t be posting until Wednesday because of a change in my work schedule.  However, I realized earlier today that with the help of modern television, I would be able to get the post up tonight.  I’m sure you all can barely contain your excitement at this turn of events, so without further ado, let’s get on with the dates. This evenings episode is taking place in the actually exotic St. Croix in the Virgin Islands (as opposed to the not so exotic Montana and Canada from last weeks episodes).  The ladies arrive at their new hotel and quickly start working out rooming assignments.  Except of course for Tierra, who opts for a pull-out cot in a sitting room over rooming with any of the other women (I’m sure the women were all super bummed out).  First up is a one on one date for Ashlee, or “the cougar” as Tierra calls her to the other women.  I didn’t know you could qualify as a cougar at 32 these days, especially when the male in the relationship is 29.  I’d say if Ashlee is a cougar in this situation then  Sean is definitely robbing the cradle if he goes for Tierra (or Lindsay) since they are only 24.  But anyways, that’s enough cougar talk, lets head out on the date.

Sean and Ashlee’s date starts out a little on the dull side.  They take a boat ride to another island, and we get to see another woman try to explain to Sean what the ladies don’t like about Tierra.  Based on her being the elder stateswoman of the cast, Sean values the information Ashlee gives him and rewards her by making out on the beach.  Later in the evening Sean asks Ashlee if they is anything else he needs to know about her before hometown dates next week. Ashlee replies that actually there is something she needs to tell him, dun dun duuunnn!! The big secret is that Ashlee got married at 17 to her high school boyfriend as a result of having a lot of problems at home.  We quickly learn they were only married for a year, and this really doesn’t end up being a very exciting secret.  (On a side note earlier in the episode, after she called her a cougar, Tierra went on a rant about Ashlee not having found a husband yet at 32.  But it turns out Ashlee was married at 17, so who’s the cougar now b*tch!)  After Sean is very accepting of her secret, Ashlee decides it’s time to tell him that she loves him.  Of course, Sean doesn’t give a ‘I love you’ reply (that would be crazy, this is The Bachelor), even after Ashlee tells him several times, which ultimately leaves a pretty big matzah ball hanging out there.

The second date of the night is the one we’ve all been waiting for, or just the one Tierra has been waiting for, her one on one with Sean.  The date card says they will be exploring the streets of St. Croix.  This fact doesn’t make Tierra very happy, she is upset about “bugs, sweat and dripping make up,” and had really been hoping to be doing something on the water.  Just when you thought it wasn’t possible for the other girls to hate her anymore Tierra complains about a one on one date.  Tierra’s whining leads Lesley to say “she is the most miserable person ever.  I hate that b*tch.” (Lesley might be getting too caught up in her hatred of Tierra, and could end up like Robyn if she isn’t careful).  The one on one date between Sean and Tierra doesn’t really have  a lot of memorable moments.  They explore the streets of St. Croix, they go shopping, and a parade happens by (what a coincidence).  Tierra is shown repeatedly telling Sean how happy she is and how much fun she’s having so he can see what a fun, happy person she is.  Later in the evening, Tierra tells Sean that she thinks he was a little distant all day, and she wants to know why.  Sean admits that the distance has to do with the drama between Tierra and the other women in the house, and things he has been told about her behavior.  Tierra is shocked one of the other women threw her under the bus. (Umm…really? You hate each other, and they’ve pretty much all  been throwing you under the bus for weeks, it just hasn’t turned out how they hoped).  At the end of the date Sean is back on team Tierra, deciding she really is a sweet girl and that the views of the other women won’t influence him.

Next up in this evenings program is the group date with Lindsay, Desiree and Catherine.  For the group date Sean is taking the women on a sight-seeing road trip across St. Croix.  Sean’s family loves a good road trip apparently, his dad owns the Guinness World Record for fastest time driving the 48 contiguous states.  (We learned this on his first one on one date with Lesley.  I haven’t just been spending time looking up random facts about Sean’s family, I swear).  First Sean wakes the girls up early to see the sunrise in the eastern most point in the United States, and then it’s off to The Sugar Mill.  The Sugar Mill is an old stone building that probably has a horrible history involving slavery and suffering, but our group skips the history lesson to focus on how pretty the ocean looks from this location.  The road trip hits a bit of a sour note during the Tree House stop on their journey across St. Croix.  Desiree decides to make the most of her time with Sean, acting especially flirty and taking up most of his time while Catherine and Lindsay act as the third and fourth wheels respectively.  The trip ends up with Sean and the three women on a beach on the west side of the island to watch the sunset, and for Sean to get some one on one time with each of the ladies.  This is the only date in tonight’s episode where a rose will be handed out. and all the women make a play for it.  Catherine reveals that her father doesn’t live with them anymore after he attempted suicide in front of the family when she was 14.  Despite this confession from Catherine, and Desiree making a strong push throughout the date, Lindsay ultimately comes away with the rose and a guaranteed hometown visit next week.

Finally, we have the third one on one date of the week, this time with Lesley.  Ah, poor Lesley, this isn’t a great date.  Not much to talk about here really.  They explore the grounds of an old plantation (again The Bachelor decides to ignore the tragic history of any of these date locations).  Sean isn’t feeling super confident in his feelings for Lesley, and wants to see if he can fix that during the date, spoiler alert: he doesn’t.  Lesley says she wants to tell Sean that she is falling for him, but after some hemming and hawing and very little eye contact, she decides it just wasn’t the right time.  I like Lesley, but it doesn’t look like things are going to turn out well for her after this date.  I’ve mentioned it before, and I still think she might be too intelligent and cautious to have this process work for her.

Now that we’ve completed all the dates for this week, we are treated to a visit from Sean’s sister Shay.  (Shay is decked out in neon pink and green which makes me think she came in a time machine from the early 90′s).  Sean’s sister warns that the family’s only concern is him falling for a girl who will be refered to as “that one” (ie that one not in it for the right reasons, or not as committed as Sean).  Sean’s sisters concerns provide the show with a perfect segue to head into the fight between Ashlee and Tierra they’ve been teasing for the past couple of weeks.  Tierra’s side of this argument is just pure win, I highly recommend watching it more than once.  Tierra accuses Ashlee of trying to sabotage her relationship with Sean, and things just go down hill from there.  There were two portions of this argument that I really enjoyed: 1. Ashlee says Tierra was rude and as an example says Tierra never responded when she said “good morning’ and would instead just stand there with a blank face and raised eyebrow.  Tierra’s response is: “raised eyebrow? Ashlee that’s my face, I can’t help that. I have had no Botox, no any of that.” Tierra then goes on to say she knows in her heart she isn’t rude.  This leads to my next favorite point in this argument: 2. Ashlee points out that Tierra had said her parents were worried about how she would do with the other girls on the show.  Tierra responds by saying “that’s not true.  They said Tierra you have a sparkle, you have a sparkle, do not let those girls take your sparkle away.” (This is my favorite line in reality television history.  You can’t script lines like that).  Sean is still talking to his sister while the fight is taking place, and after his sister voices concerns about him ending up with someone who doesn’t get along with other people, he says he’ll go get Tierra so they can all talk.  When Sean gets to the hotel Tierra is in tears, and unfortunately for her, things aren’t going to get better.  After talking with Tierra Sean says he thinks it’s better that he sends her home now then  to have her stay any longer with the emotional toll the show is taking on her.  As the van is driving away Tierra says she hopes the girls got what they wanted (and they totally did! So I guess this situation worked out for everyone).  Tierra’s final words to the camera are: “I told myself going into here nobody is taking my sparkle away, I’m not letting that happen.” (Wiser words have never been spoken).

Ok, time to find out the other three women who will be getting hometown dates (Lindsay was already guaranteed one by getting the rose on the group date).  The women are waiting for Sean and when he arrives he informs them that he sent Tierra home, and that there will be no cocktail party tonight as he has already made his decision on the other woman who will be leaving. (Ashlee is freaking out following this announcement, feeling she could be in trouble after being involved in the drama with Tierra).  The show plays with Ashlee’s nerves for as long as it can, but ultimately she (predictably) gets the final rose of the evening sending Lesley home.  This leaves Ashlee, Lindsay, Desiree and Catherine as the girls who will be introducing Sean to their families next week.  The preview indicates the biggest drama will come during Sean’s visit to meet Desiree’s family with a tease of a show down between Sean and a male family member (who calls Sean a “play boy”).  Finally, I meant to include this last week, but managed to forget twice.  Here is a link to an article about a woman who let her tattoo artist boyfriend tattoo his name on her face.  I think one of the remaining women (probably Lindsay) should use this strategy to really seal the deal and win Sean’s heart.  See you next week for a recap of the hometown dates!

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