The Bachelor Recap (or shows I wish I didn’t watch anymore but for some reason I can’t seem to stop)
January 8, 2013
Actually I want to start this post by proudly saying I haven’t watched the last few seasons of The Bachelor…I just watched The Bachelorette. However I decided that my hiatus had gone on long enough and it was time to return to the original. Last night’s episode opened with Sean talking about being sad over not marrying Emily and what he’s been doing in his time since The Bachelorette ended. Then fellow loser Arie Luyendyk stopped by to give Sean some advice, and to give viewers the impression they are friends in real life (I’m going to say this isn’t true since Sean said they hadn’t talked since the show ended). After the Arie segment we get to the real meat of the first episode of a season of The Bachelor, the introduction of the female cast members. I’m going to use the rest of this recap to give my impressions of all the terrific girls Sean has to choose from.
The next segment gives us a longer introduction to some of the ladies then the standard meeting coming out of the limo all the contestants get. This is ABC’s helpful way of letting us know who to pay attention to, and also their way of telling all the girls who didn’t get a featured segment, “you’re worthless, Sean could never love you, and we doubt anyone else could either so we won’t be giving you much screen time” (Ok maybe not quite that harsh but I think that’s the general message).
Girl #1: Desiree
Desiree is a 26-year-old bridal stylist from Colorado. She seems nice enough, even though working in the bridal industry is a little bit of a red flag (interestingly enough she wasn’t the one who choose to wear a wedding dress to meet Sean). She received a rose so we’ll have more time to get to know her during the show.
Girl #2: Tierra
Tierra is a 24-year-old leasing consultant. During our introduction to her we learn she’s had her heart-broken twice, and that she apparently had no idea who the bachelor was before signing up for the show. Tierra is certainly attractive and gets what I’d like to call the “I definitely want to fuck her” rose from Sean, after only getting out about a sentence during their introduction. This rose earns a lot of ill will from the other women in the house who start giving her the evil eye the minute she walks in with a rose. (Sean caused a lot of chaos by handing out roses throughout the night, rather than just during the rose ceremony). Based on previews for the season it seems Tierra will continue to be targeted by the women throughout, and will be labelled the cast member who ‘isn’t there for the right reasons.’
Girl #3: Robyn
Robyn is a 24-year-old oilfield account manager from texas. She seems interesting and busts her ass during the limo intro trying to pull off some acrobatics. Unfortunately for Robyn she isn’t white so there is no chance of her winning the bachelor or even making it very far, but thanks for playing.
Girl #4: Diana
Next we had Diana, a divorced mother of 2…pass. Diana should know only single father’s are cute, single mother’s are just too much baggage. In her bio on ABC’s website she says if she could be anyone for one day it would be Taylor Swift so she would know what it feels like to be extremely talented (So she seems to have bad taste in music and men, good to know).
Girl #5: Sarah
Sarah is a 26-year-old advertising executive who is missing an arm (cleverly hidden by ABC in this stock photo of her). Later in the episode Sarah says she guesses she’s still single because dating a girl with two arms just seems easier to guys, I guess this is probably true. Sarah also has a french bulldog named Leo, after lion, NOT Leonardo DiCaprio, stop making that mistake everyone, god, Sarah has been totally over Leonardo DiCaprio since like 2001, he’s not even that cute anymore.
Girl #6: Ashley P.
Ashley is a 28-year-old hair stylist from Michigan, she is also the token crazy for this season (or at least the first episode). Ashley is a cat lady who loves 50 Shades of Gray (I think everyone who likes 50 Shades is a cat lady but I’m not sure). Ashley mentions her love of 50 Shades and pulls out a tie during her intro to Sean, who seems a little terrified by the whole situation (he mentions having a rape whistle later when she brings it up again during their one on one time). Ashley also gets smashed as the cocktail party goes on and ends up dancing provocatively by herself while the other girls who have yet to receive a rose are starting to break down and cry into their Chardonnay.
Girl #7: Lesley
Next we meet Lesley a 25-year-old political consultant originally from Arkansas. Lesley says she is very focused on environmental issues (I thought she might work for Mike Huckabee when I first saw politics and Arkansas, so this was a pleasant surprise). Lesley currently lives in Washington DC and says she doesn’t like nerds or politicians, which Washington is full of, and this is why she’s been having trouble finding a man. She seems smart and not particularly crazy so she may do well, but probably won’t be having a lot of exciting screen time.
Girl #8: Kristy
Kristy is a 25-year-old model from Wisconsin. She lets us know during her intro that she’s a Ford model, and that’s basically the best modeling agency in the world. So she wants us to know not only is she a model, she’s like the best model (in case there are others on the show) don’t forget she’s the best. She’s also confident the other girls will be jealous of her, that attitude is always good for making friends in the house.
Girl #9: Ashlee
Ashlee is a 32-year-old professional organizer from Texas. During her intro she tells the audience she is adopt and at one point was in 6 different foster homes in one year. Ashlee is insecure about finding love as a result of her childhood, and her reaction to the virtual lock of not finding love on this show could be epic. Ashlee is also the only surviving member of what was the largest group of Ashley/Ashlee’s ever assembled on one reality television show.
Ashlee was also the last girl deemed special enough to get their own longer introduction, from here on out we’re left with just the impression from the introduction to Sean, and the interaction during the cocktail party.
Girl #10: Jackie
Jackie is a 25-year-old cosmetics consultant from Florida. Sticking with the cosmetics theme Jackie pulls out some red lipstick so she can leave her mark on Sean before anyone else gets to. Seeing as she’s so dedicated to her job I think they should have had Jackie pull up in a pink Mary Kay car, but maybe that wasn’t in the budget.
Girl #11: Selma
Selma is a 29-year-old real estate developer from California. Luckily for Sean, Selma has a hanky stashed in her boobs (she was probably anticipating crying at some point tonight) and is able to wipe off the mark Jackie left moments before. Not much else stands out about Selma, but she gets a rose, so we’ll be seeing more of her.
Girl #12: Leslie
Leslie is a 29-year-old poker dealer from Florida. Unfortunately for Leslie, like Robyn, she is also not white, despite them both getting roses on the first night I doubt we see either one of them around for too long. She also mentions in her ABC bio that she is always the one pursuing guys, and would like to be pursued for once, not a good feeling to have before coming on a show like this.
Girl #13: Daniella
Next we meet Daniella (named by parents who wanted something unique but weren’t creative so they just changed one letter) a 24-year-old commercial casting associate from California. She does a ‘handshake’ with Sean so he’ll remember her, it doesn’t go very smoothly but she gets a rose so maybe it worked.
Girl #14: Kelly
Kelly is a 28-year-old cruise ship entertainer originally from Tennessee. She wrote Sean a song and sings it during their introduction, and shows the world why she’s a cruise ship entertainer (and sounds exactly like an audition that would have made Simon Cowell tell someone they belonged on a cruise ship doing karaoke). In Kelly’s ABC bio she says her favorite book is “Sassy, Single and Satisfied” this is a good thing since she doesn’t get a rose at the end of the night.
Girl #15: Katie
Katie is a 27-year-old yoga instructor from Illinois. Another contestant who takes their profession seriously, like a true yoga instructor Katie isn’t wearing any shoes this evening (possibly a poor choice in a room full of drunk women in heels). Katie also teaches Sean the least exciting yoga pose of all time, but I think he must be anticipating some better ones later on because she gets a rose.
Girl #16: Taryn
Taryn is a 30-year-old health club manager from Oregon. Taryn tells Sean she hasn’t watched the show recently so they’ll both be getting a fresh view on each other. Later in the evening, Taryn is upset over the concept of fighting for time with Sean which makes it seem like she may have never seen or heard of the show before because apparently she has no idea what it’s about. In her ABC bio Taryn says he most important attribute is forgiveness, this seems a little strange, but maybe a good thing for a show where you have to forgive your “boyfriend” for doing things like dating and having sex with other women while you’re getting to know each other.
Girl #17: Catherine
Catherine is a 26-year-old graphic designer from Washington. Not a lot stands out about her from this first episode, but she seems nice and pretty and that’s enough to get her a rose.
Girl #18: Lacey
Lacey is a 24-year-old graduate student from California. She tells Sean a lot of people call her Lace (how creative) and gives him a lace heart to remember her by. Sean says he won’t forget but this seems to be a lie as Lacey is one of the losers without a rose at the end of the night.
Girl #19: Paige
Paige is a 24-year-old Jumbotron operator from New York (or Minnesota). Paige had a brief stint on The Bachelor Pad that made her confident the process can work (if she’d been there longer she would have found out this process doesn’t actually work). Unfortunately for Paige she doesn’t receive a rose at the end of the night and is doomed to the reality that she’s never going to find her husband on an ABC reality show.
Girl #20: Amanda
Amanda is a 26-year-old fit model (its unclear to me if this is the same thing as fitness model or if she’s just trying to help us differentiate from all the unfit models out there, I’d like to know what Kristy has to say about this) from California. She exchanges an awkward pause with Sean during their intro to ‘get it out of the way’ and it seems to work as she receives a rose later on. In her ABC bio she says the most romantic gift she ever received was the offer of a Prada bag or to have the same amount of money donated to a charity they would work at (she says she choose the bag). This gift just seems weird to me, and possibly just an excuse for her to try to seem like a nice person, while at the same time making her ex-boyfriend look like kind of a douche.
Girl #21: Keriann
Keriann is a 29-year-old entrepreneur from Florida. She tells Sean she drove over 2700 miles to be there, but he is clearly not impressed by her dedication and sends her away without a rose.
Girl #22: Brooke
Brooke is a 25-year-old community organizer from Pennsylvania. Apparently former minority contestants threatening action against ABC had some success as Sean kept 3 out of the 4 African-American contestants. I still don’t see any of them sticking around too long, the amount of screen time for everyone but Robyn seems to be a good sign of that.
Girl #23: Ashley H.
Ashley is a 25-year-old fashion model from North Carolina. She calls Sean ‘Ken’ and says she’s ‘Barbie’ during their introduction (I don’t think she had Barbie’s growing up). There is something about her that’s a little creepy (especially the way she talks) and I think Sean made the right call sending home all the weird girls named Ashley.
Girl #24: Lauren
Lauren is a 27-year-old journalist from Rhode Island. She tells Sean she is from a traditional Italian family and gives him a message from her father that if he breaks her heart, he’ll break Sean’s legs. This probably isn’t the first thing I’d say to the guy I was planning to make my future husband, and it doesn’t seem to impress Sean much as Lauren doesn’t receive a rose (Sean probably thought sending her home right away would keep him safe, but I still think he might get a sprained ankle out of this deal).
Girl #25: Lindsay
Lindsay is a 24-year-old substitute teacher from Missouri. Lindsay shows up in a wedding dress, and kisses Sean (kind of against his will, where’s that rape whistle) during their introduction. She says she’s a prankster and that she’s ‘got balls’ to which Sean wisely replies ‘I hope not’ (who could tell under all that fabric). Later in the evening when she is still without a rose Lindsay gets upset (and drunk) wondering if she has come on too strong, but Sean lets her stick around, giving her a rose after making her sweat it out till the end of the night. Even though she’s safe for now, I would be worried if I were Lindsay, Sean seems like a pretty traditional guy and I doubt crazy antics will win him over, although they do provide a nice break from the usual crazy of this show.
Girl #26: (that’s right 26! they let in someone extra, crazy!): Kacie B.
Kacie is from Ben’s season of The Bachelor, and as one of the other girls scoffs, she finished like 4th. The show saved Kacie’s big reveal for the end and played it up to be someone very exciting before revealing it was just a loser from a past season. Sean had to go along and seem really surprised and excited by seeing her (it would have been a lot more fun if he’d just had no idea who she was). The other girls were not impressed with Kacie’s arrival and since she got a rose I’m sure we’ll be seeing more feelings of resentment towards Kacie going forward.
At the end of the night the women left without roses were the two creepy Ashley’s, Lauren, Lacey, Paige, Kelly and Keriann. Most of them seemed to take things in stride, feeling more embarrassed than heart-broken. The exception would be Ashley H. who had one of my favorite quotes of the night saying, “the disappointment is there, but the devastation, you know, I try not to let it sink in, but it does.” That quote sums up what makes this show great, where else can you watch people be devastated with the knowledge they aren’t going to marry someone they’ve known for an evening. The preview of the coming season seems to show plenty of drama, complete with trips to the hospital and boyfriends making appearances. (For anyone who is nervous about the drama, the preview also included several girls saying this is like a fairytale, so don’t worry it will be ok).